My Life is not my Own

I will be the first to admit, I have a good life. I also have days within that good life that are a struggle. This does not mean I would change my life, maybe tweak it a little, but I like the make up of my life (namely my husband and kids :))

Yet, I was thinking the other day even good things can be tough or at times you feel you just need a break or just to change up the routine a bit. To be a good parent takes every ounce of ones self. To respond, to be consistent, to listen, to be many people throughout the day that you are not and role play (pretending with Deveraux) to come up with a weekly schedule, to be attentive and ever watching. You are in charge of little minds, souls, and bodies! It requires so much and it is full on. You don't do "a little parenting." When you are in this space and time, even finding your own thoughts can be hard at times.

I catch my reflection in the oven glass door while preparing for dinner and see many fly away hairs, unaware of the last time I looked in the mirror that day and reflect on how many months it has been since my last hair cut.

My life is not my own

I want to complain about what I want and what I don't want. Sometimes I don't want to be the only grownup in the group.

My life is not my own

I want to get up on a Saturday, lay on the couch, eat when I want and just watch movies.

My Life is Not my own

I want to sleep through the night

My life is not My own

And yet, I want this life. I came home this morning from a jog, a rare treat due to schedules, but one I cherish. I listened outside the window as I heard Andrew, Anderson, and Deveraux all in the bedroom. What a joy, I heard giggles, Deveraux trying to help Anderson, picking out of an outfit, so familiar little voices... and I thought, that is what I want to be a part of...that life...my life!

Also, is our life ever our own if we belong to Jesus? We are to be an outpouring. Parenting makes the outpouring harder to say no to or to turn off. We are called to serve and to not be so focused on all that we think we need for a good life. I am so thankful for this time set apart to be a momma. As I said earlier, it takes everything and I feel this is a sacred set apart time and I want to cherish it and hold it precious. Sometimes it is mind boggling that I have two in my care who look to me. I often feel that I miss many moments of opportunities with them, they are sponges right now. I just want to do the calling a ministry justice. Only by Grace!

Here's to all of us whose life is not our own!!