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| Haleaakala, Maui |
Loved and Blessed!
"There is no space His love can't reach."
Life is certainly unpredictable. I was in such a state after
my miscarriage and wrote the words (above) to this song on
July 19th. Wondering why new life had been given to grow
in my womb for such a short time and be taken away.
Then....less then 6 months later...
December 6th was the first time I wrote, "I think I may be pregnant."
And on December 12th, pregnancy test was positive.
December 31st, 2014. A confirmation of new life
as we saw a lovely little heart beat.
This is also the day we shared with Dev and Bobo.
I have a baby with a heart beat growing inside of me!
It felt close, sweet, alive, real, and warm.
I measured at 12 weeks 4 days, with a due date of July 11th.
I had asked Dev a couple weeks earlier what she would
think if I were pregnant. She said, "excited and interesting".
A much different Deveraux response than the summer announcement,
which included many tears because of such shock.
The first trimester as a bit rough emotionally and
tummy unsettled.
I was so homesick and I could only keep one thing in my
head at a time, energy in the morning, walked past
a pile of dishes in the sink, and just felt my limits.
Holding the pregnancy at bay somewhat, wondering if
I would have another miscarriage. Then I was dealing
with so many fears. My age presents the reality
statistically of so many things being wrong. Just felt
the strong need to be covered in prayer.
In mid November I was feeling like I was not moored,
a boat drifting. I had a dream my sister was pregnant.
I sat in church grieving the loss of my life without
another baby as I watched many babies around me.
I also had a conversation with my dad about how I guess
I needed to move on and let go of the desire for a third,
it would not be so in this lifetime. I also began to have growing fears
of my age and if I were to get pregnant the possibilities of what
could happen Several weeks later, I was coming to the realization I was
indeed pregnant. This pregnancy felt different in that it was the first time in
almost 2 years that I wasn't thinking about being pregnant.
Week 14, went to the bike park, I walked (no bikes for me).
It feels pretty surreal In some ways I can't believe I am here again-
Then I can because I have been here. This has just been
a desire for almost 5 years. I just want to believe God is the
giver of good gifts.
Felt so good to celebrate in Colorado with sisters
who are so excited for me.
Heather bought me these silly fun stickers
to put on my belly to mark my week and
compares the size of the baby to fruit.
I absolutely had to do this...They are such good sports.
We had many laughs in the dressing room...by the way,
who came up with the concept of "skinny jeans" in
maternity clothes...part of the laughter. I will always be
the little sister.
Hard to explain, but I longed to once again enter
the Gap Maternity section...pregnant.
17 weeks and loving the Colorado air!
I felt I received such a cup of cool water in Colorado...felt I could breathe.
Beautiful Red Rocks.
I took wonderful walks in Colorado. I feel such a claim to my
mountains there, they bring me such comfort. As I looked
at those mountains, I thought, if God made these mountains,
surely he can handle me and our baby. I have begun accepting.
There has just been a fear of being "duped"--excited and then loss
or a different third child than I had dreamed of....
Back home and we are on week 19 for Valentine's Day.
Mom is so happy I am pregnant and gets worried
if she thinks I am doing too much,
Dev and I were in this same spot on Ka'anapali beach 6 years
ago on Valentines Day with Bobo in my belly.
(My hair looks a bit crazy...)
Its really happening!
When I focus on God, I am so much better off....
"Choose to live as one filling with His grace...the only choice
to open the hands to freely receive whatever God gives. Mysteries
can nourish." Ann Voskamp speaks so rightly.
Drew loves me.
Bobo and Dev came into the doctor's office to hear the heartbeat,
Bobo had my phone, so he snapped a pic. If course, had to include it.
We have a baby the size of a banana!!
Life has been full...Mom living with us, homeschooling,
pregnancy, a marriage, dad living in Maui (temporarily now
with us), and tending to kiddos.
A round belly, I love it and I
want to celebrate. I want to embrace it all.
Dad told me in church the other day that I was
glowing (so nice to hear). He also said, Sometimes
God answers prayer. Yes. Yes.
Reading some.Waiting for baby books...
.
Our kiddos are really into talking and preparing for baby,
I love this.
We named the baby, Honey Bear.
Mom bought me a pregnancy journal book.
"Shooting it up" at "Annie Get Your Gun!"
Dad was Chief Sitting Bull at the Iao Theatre.
Starting to feel pregnant in the last couple of weeks.
Already feel a bit swollen and realize I still have
over 3 months to go.
God is good.
