Loved and Blessed

Haleaakala, Maui

Loved and Blessed!

"There is no space His love can't reach."

Life is certainly unpredictable.  I was in such a state after

my miscarriage and wrote the words (above) to this song on
July 19th.  Wondering why new life had been given to grow
 in my womb for such a short time and be taken away.

Then....less then 6 months later...

December 6th was the first time I wrote, "I think I may be pregnant."

And on December 12th, pregnancy test was positive. 

December 31st, 2014.  A confirmation of new life

as we saw a lovely little heart beat. 

This is also the day we shared with Dev and Bobo.

I have a baby with a heart beat growing inside of me! 

It felt close, sweet, alive, real, and warm.

I measured at 12 weeks 4 days, with a due date of July 11th.

I had asked Dev a couple weeks earlier what she would

think if I were pregnant.  She said, "excited and interesting".

A much different Deveraux response than the summer announcement,

which included many tears because of such shock.

The first trimester as a bit rough emotionally and

tummy unsettled.

I was so homesick and I could only keep one thing in my

head at a time, energy in the morning, walked past

a pile of dishes in the sink, and just felt my limits.

Holding the pregnancy at bay somewhat, wondering if

I would have another miscarriage.  Then I was dealing

with so many fears.  My age presents the reality

statistically of so many things being wrong.  Just felt

the strong need to be covered in prayer.

In mid November I was feeling like I was not moored,

a boat drifting.  I had a dream my sister was pregnant.

I sat in church grieving the loss of my life without

another baby as I watched many babies around me.

I also had a conversation with my dad about how I guess

I needed to move on and let go of the desire for a third,

it would not be so in this lifetime.  I also began to have growing fears

of my age and if I were to get pregnant the possibilities of what

could happen  Several weeks later, I was coming to the realization I was

indeed pregnant.  This pregnancy felt different in that it was the first time in

almost 2 years that I wasn't thinking about being pregnant.

Week 14, went to the bike park, I walked (no bikes for me).

It feels pretty surreal  In some ways I can't believe I am here again-

Then I can because I have been here.  This has just been

a desire for almost 5 years.  I just want to believe God is the

giver of good gifts.

Felt so good to celebrate in Colorado with sisters

who are so excited for me. 

 

Heather bought me these silly fun stickers

to put on my belly to mark my week and

compares the size of the baby to fruit.

I absolutely had to do this...They are such good sports.

We had many laughs in the dressing room...by the way,

who came up with the concept of "skinny jeans" in

maternity clothes...part of the laughter. I will always be

the little sister.

Hard to explain, but I longed to once again enter

the Gap Maternity section...pregnant.

17 weeks and loving the Colorado air!

I felt I received such a cup of cool water in Colorado...felt I could breathe.

Beautiful Red Rocks.

I took wonderful walks in Colorado.  I feel such a claim to my

mountains there, they bring me such comfort.  As I looked

at those mountains, I thought, if God made these mountains,

surely he can handle me and our baby.  I have begun accepting.

There has just been a fear of being "duped"--excited and then loss

or a different third child than I had dreamed of....

Back home and we are on week 19 for Valentine's Day.

 

Mom is so happy I am pregnant and gets worried

if she thinks I am doing too much,

Dev and I were in this same spot on Ka'anapali beach 6 years

ago on Valentines Day with Bobo in my belly.

(My hair looks a bit crazy...)

Its really happening! 

 

When I focus on God, I am so much better off....

"Choose to live as one filling with His grace...the only choice

to open the hands to freely receive whatever God gives.  Mysteries

can nourish."  Ann Voskamp speaks so rightly.

Drew loves me. 

Bobo and Dev came into the doctor's office to hear the heartbeat,

Bobo had my phone, so he snapped a pic.  If course, had to include it.

We have a baby the size of a banana!!

Life has been full...Mom living with us, homeschooling,

pregnancy, a marriage, dad living in Maui (temporarily now

 with us), and tending to kiddos.

A round belly, I love it and I

want to celebrate.  I want to embrace it all.

Dad told me in church the other day that I was

glowing (so nice to hear).  He also said, Sometimes

God answers prayer.  Yes.  Yes.

Reading some.Waiting for baby books... 

.

Our kiddos are really into talking and preparing for baby,

I love this. 

We named the baby, Honey Bear.

Mom bought me a pregnancy journal book. 

"Shooting it up" at "Annie Get Your Gun!"

Dad was Chief Sitting Bull at the Iao Theatre.

Starting to feel pregnant in the last couple of weeks.

Already feel a bit swollen and realize I still have

over 3 months to go.

 

God is good.