First day of First Grade!

Ready to go!

"There is a pit in the bottom of me...a gnawing,,,an ache.  It has been there since the last day of Kindergarten, knowing I would have to let go once again. 

This morning Deveraux starts 1st grade.  I just don't want to let go.  She is okay...it's me that's not. 

I don't feel ready to give her up or over.

From the minute she was placed in my arms, she felt like mine.

From the minute we pulled away from the hospital, what a gift I had received, we got to take her with us.  I felt like it was Christmas over and over again.

I am just not ready to give her up.

She has been an extension of me,

I felt like I was her home.

So I think and I have wondered, why would she want to leave....home?

or why didn't I hold on tighter or longer...but then maybe she wouldn't have had the wings that gives her excitement to venture out.

As a mom, I feel my faults are when I get distracted at times and attend to what needs to be done (tasks), instead of attending and just being present with my two.  It is always on to the next thing.

Secondly, a lack of freedom, sometimes being uptight and not always letting go or being playful.

I think these thoughts surface as I see time slipping away....markers of time....first grade.

It's like one day she is here with us and then not.

I have so much control over her days and then I don't.

It's not that I can't be away from her, it is that I don't have the control over her influences during those hours away or awareness of what is coming across her path.

I hate the feeling that I can't get to her,

I just miss her.

wearing the bracelet that Aunt Heather gave her...she is just ready!

Carmel River School

already playing....when the bell rang, Deveraux ran past us to the door.  Andrew said, "isn't this where we are supposed to get our kiss"  (he he).  We got our kisses!

bye sweet girl

It is always nice to go to the beach when you are sad.  As we walked away from the school. I asked Drew if I will always cry when I walk away....maybe I will.  Our dear friend, Marvene, said that she just went to the ocean when she dropped off her sweet girl at college.  Hopefully, Deveraux will pick a school near the ocean, hopefully down the block from us!

gave Bobo a lunch box for his first day of new adventures...

play time without Deveraux....it was a long day that first day.