trip to Colorado

After CA to check out the job situation, Deveraux, Anderson, and I headed to Colorado for a trip. We had a good time of seeing family and friends, although, the time was also full of trying to figure out if we were moving our lives across the ocean.

I felt such support and tenderness from Andrew each time we would talk on the phone (many talks!!). It felt like such a big decision to make over the phone, yet, having the support from Stef, Heather, and mom really helped. I also felt Colorado was "Switzerland" neutral territory (not CA or Maui).

I knew I wanted to give a yes to Andrew as he felt clear in wanting to go but I needed and prayed for an absence of fear. Andrew told me he could let it go and in every major decision we have decided together before going forward. We had many talks during those days and I believe covered every aspect about staying or going.

I knew God wanted us/me to surrender to Him my fears and for both us to live a life of surrendered control. This continued throughout the entire process. So maybe we would not receive a direct answer from God like, "This is the way" but instead peace in the storm. I also had to trust that Andrew's heart for our family and that he was following and in tune with God.

What I was trying to decipher was..is it that I am uncomfortable just with change or is that I don't want to leave Maui? I also knew I would have to start all over, it takes so long to invest in lives and be settled. Yet, I also felt I wouldn't forever settle in Maui and yet it felt like the home I knew right now.

Is my life about God bringing me a husband who stirs change and disrupts so that I live out my calling? This is my sorrow. I often cling to those things around me to bring security and change is so difficult for me. Words came back to me that were given to us several years prior that we are Pilgrims, I just needed to find my "inner pilgrim!" Living a settled life brings security and comfort yet we are tent makers. The loss of Maui and the newness of Ca all filled me with fear.

Yet along the way I realized as before when change came that I can get used to anything, I can find a sense of home in a lot of places, we will be alright, I have gotten attached again and again which means I can get attached again, who knows what awaits us....and still there are so many things I feel unsure about of, maybe that is what we are supposed to feel so our dependence on God can grow.
So we said yes.