Sunset

My creative girl.

A sunset at Napili Bay.

Often in my life I will say to myself,

"Tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll fix it."

I hate mess.  I have an overwhelming sense of

responsibility and I need to cover my bases.

I just want the answers.  I have been listening to

a podcast lately that has been inspiring. 

"Your greatest weakness is your untrained strength.  Your

greatest strength undisciplined is your greatest weakness."

Matt Chandler

One podcast spoke on the concept that when suffering or

hardship comes our way we usually react with one goal in

mind...figure out the source the solution and get it to stop!

When I was younger I had a few periods in my life of suffering.

I just had the new thought that maybe through this perseverance 

was developed and maybe a certain drive or

determination was created.  I don't give up easily and that

can be good and bad.  But I believe I have had that stance on

homeschooling-- that I'm not giving up on this. 

 

Homeschooling has been my hard spot, my suffering. 

I keep asking, "How do I make this better?"  "How do I teak this?" 

I want out of this hard place and thrive in homeschooling.  Why can't I get it? 

 Why can't I experience what I perceive many other home school moms

are experiencing?  I get frustrated that I can't produce what I am after. 

It is good to look at home schooling as suffering or my hard thing

because then I can reframe it to be purposeful and not as something

I just need to get over or there may not be that one answer out

there to make it all better. It is in a spiritual realm.

I want to live intentionally so I can look back on this time

as good but maybe the answer isn't to change my

circumstances but change my reaction to it.  Maybe

its the thing that ties me to needing Jesus on a

regular basis. 

Its funny that we were talking about things that

are hard that our family has gone through and Dev couldn't

come up with anything.  It struck me that their life

has held little suffering.  I know that won't always be the case.

I am glad in many ways for their protection but I also want

to prepare them as suffering will come and our reaction to

it (as I am writing) is so important. 

There are only certain ways that we can draw close to Christ

suffering is one of the main ones...This scares me it also

gives me hope for this path I've been on. So then the point

isn't the experience but the drawing close.

I set the tone. They don't need to always know how hard I

 work--even though sometimes I want them to know,

to see.  I don't need their affirmation.  I do need to

show kindness, patience, long suffering, and not

reacting out of my "blah's".  They react sometimes and

I scold them but they might quite possibly be reacting

to the mood I am feeling within.  So here we go.

Again and again.  I am so thankful for new chances.

Thank you Maui for nights like these.....