Not running here and there necessarily but full of needs, emotions, expressive behavior, and energy. Sometimes I feel up to the task and sometimes I don't.
I have one who feels fears over facing those things that feel like giants, fears of the unknown, and taking risks that have the potential to embarrass. She wonders how many times can she say no to something and would she survive at a week camp in the summer. She is a planner and in part that is a way to cope with the unknown. She often still often chooses to be annoyed with her brother instead of bless him.
I always have a choice with her. I can be "right" and make a good point and feel justified in my response. Or knowing setting a boundary is okay but it can also be absent of warmth and drawing close is such a good choice, which she always longs for. It is always a choice and sometimes intimacy is difficult when I am tired of stooping low and I just want to draw a line in the sand but it never sits well with me for long. We all want to be chased.
(Library Books!)
(We love our Whole Foods dates!)
(She found flowers she had to have...)
I have another who becomes easily frustrated and just as easily okay again. This requires me to not overreact and allow space for him without my taking it too personal. It also want to hold him accountable by not always leaving a room/relationship in frustration (I remember this in early years of marriage). I always have to remember he might need some time and to pick my battles. I had a bit of teacher victory for me today. I so badly wanted him to read certain things that were of value. Sometimes the motivation can even be just to check it off the list. Today, he did not want to read a Watermelon story which I really wanted him to read. He just has his own drum beat. He left angrily. At first I wanted to chase him, be mad, throw up my hands, make him read.....and then I stopped. What if there is more to the story. Could be the words and story don't make sense and feed the school insecurity or could be he thinks the story is silly and doesn't see value? Whatever the reason, I have a choice. Make him read (which I have done a lot of this choice) and just get through it to appease whatever anxiety I feel OR go after him and see what is up. I go after him, He is lying on his bed with a surf book, A BOOK! So we read about waves and surfing, We still have more moments later in the day of frustrations, but I will take that win.
(Bobo making "bark" tea)
(The boy loves his toys)
(oh gray hairs....)
(I tried just a sip of bark tea.)
(She never met a sweet she was not willing to try and likes most of them.)
(Pajamas, especially footed ones are a top choice most days!)
She choose to keep on the dotted ones for an evening
sunset watching the boys surf. She knew she could not wear
the footed ones to bed if she choose them for the
beach, she was willing to make the sacrifice.
Drew and Bobo
(trying on Bobo's clothes...)
So between the books and needs sometimes it is hard to return that phone call or make that appointment because the present moment is so pressing. When that pressing moment passes and if I have 15 minutes, then it is to do this writing and collect my thoughts to be ready for the next batch of time that will call on me to be present and ready for littles.
Today I walked out to the car, the last one out thinking, I am in charge. Sometimes that can feel incredibly weighty but most of the time, its just one foot in front of the other. I just want to walk with my best feet moving. It is such a privilege to be their mom.
"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God..."
No comments:
Post a Comment