Papa D

(I will never forget this scene.  Bobo so disappointed with bags

packed ready to go and it all came to a halt.  Being a boy 

of course he will feel the disappointment and at the same

time taking in that he lost his grandpa.  Andrew, trying to

breathe in the news that his dad is now gone.  Bobo needed to 

release Andrew and he did but was it all so hard).

Papa D died unexpectedly this morning.  It does not feel very real right now, more like a bad dream.  A bit of a haze covers the morning.  I just feel so sad.  So sad.

He had a heart attack.  We don't know many details.

Tia and Papa D were on their way to picking up Bobo today for a fun weekend of paddling in Hood River.  The details had worked out with such ease.  We felt it was a "meant to be" weekend.

My heart utterly aches for Tia who dreaded this day and has lost the man who saved her out of such a horrible past life.  Who loved her man and more than many woman I know praised him on a regular basis in gratitude.  Drew, who has such a tender dad's hear was so torn between trying to salvage Bobo's weekend and be there for his mom.  Bobo, looking so disappointed and just trying to take it all in, eating his plane snacks not on his assigned seat but on the couch and realizing his dream weekend was not to be.

Plans.  Pain.

I feel such grief over the loss of this life.  Over pain that comes knocking without warning, and this kind of unexpected pain that doesn't actually knock, but kicks down the door demanding a response.  What choice of response besides whatever we feel in the moment as we unravel from such news.

I wanted to hop on that plane with Drew but for now we have children to tend.  I want to clean my whole house from top to bottom.  I want to move through this quickly. I like Deveraux want to make plans...but wait, didn't we just learn all our plans were foiled within minutes.

So we wait.  I will clean a bit.  "Home Alone" plays to give a break for a bit.  And we feel.  There just isn't a lot else to do or say.  I hope meaning will come.  I am glad Bobo had a plane ticket Andrew could use in his stay to get to Tia quickly. That detail was pretty amazing that he was on a flight within the hour of receiving the news.  That much Andrew felt clear about that after we prayed that he needed to go be with Tia.

I am glad we have Jesus to talk to.  It doesn't really make it clearer knowing Jesus right now.  But there is comfort that He is in control. There is some order within Him, even though our day does not seem orderly.

I will say his name.  And I will say Tia and Drew's name alongside his name on my lips.

After dropping Andrew at the airport, we stopped

at the beach to say a prayer for Papa D and to

throw a flower in the ocean in his name.