Surf!

Surf Contest!

 

A great day to be at a surf contest cheering our boy on.

He did great.

(Drew's birthday, just a few shots we had that Dev took).

(bobo)

Happy Birthday Drew!

Me, mama going out to bless Drew on his birthday.

It has been awhile!

(bobo)

Missy and Carter

(me)  I stood for one!  yeahoooo!

Present

Trying to be faithful in a time where there

are no trumpet calls...

It's day by day.

Hard to be two places at once.  This translates,

BE present!

A journey

I had a journey with something last Spring that felt important. 

 

I had a role that I was volunteering in that I enjoyed but at times felt ambivalent about due to my perception of my ability in that role.  Something shifted in my role as someone came in which felt like a replacement  And all the familiar emotions emerged and surfaced of not feeling valued and in this space I was left to wonder about many things. 

 

I did feel acknowledged as there was a good talk about all that had transpired but still a choice was made.  

 

I once again came to that place that likes to leave me stripped down Like an open wound and yet, I wasn't ready to close it. Because I want to heal. It's like facing your worst fears (no invite, not fitting in).  These waters run so deep I again wondered where they came from. I knew God wanted to deal with me on this. 

 

Where did this hole begin that I felt desperate to prove that I will be chosen?  I needed to realize I have such a need for God. 

I felt like one big gaping wound. 
 

Those who hope for his loving kindness to deliver their soul from death. He saves us with love. Psalm 33:18-19. 

I was able to process what had occurred and it really did come down to a mix of someone new coming in that could take over and reassessing my role and being able to step down. To be okay stepping down and to accept that someone else was chosen.  I had to work on not trying to prove myself in other areas which I gave in to a bit. 

Then fast forward several weeks and once again I was confronted with the temptation to gain my worth from another.  I was in a conversation and the person who was filling my former role was doing really well and I was being told.  I was so tempted to "fish" for more information.  To affirm myself in the role when I held it and gain affirmation.  To find proof to elevate myself as I was feeling diminished with the information that this area was thriving without me.  I did not give into the temptation and I felt victory.  I had a chat with God that I need not need that validation from another.  He could give it to me and I could rest in exactly who I was. 

Oh yes a journey indeed, but that victory was sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One foot

I feel so homesick.  And I don't want to feel this.  I want to bloom where I am planted.  I want to be content.  And yet, I want to look at pictures from Carmel and just wallow a bit.  I am tired of Maui and the lack of connection I feel to the landscape.  I do appreciate it but I don't feel very connected as it.  The ocean does give me life and I am grateful for that...but I am homesick.

 

I am also homesick for my mom, it is amazing how I have gotten used to a new normal with mom. 

I think I am also kinda homesick for when my kids were little and knowing we will never go back.  I will never see Deveraux younger than she is right now.  Time marches.

This summer has been about staying put.  Being here.  Beach days and home days.  Beach days and home days.  Beach days and home days.  Days where the best I could do was begin again each day, keeping putting one foot in front of the other.  Or days where pursuing relationship shook me from the dust a bit and that was good.

We have big prayers lifted up right now.  Prayers about Drew's work, a possible fall trip with his parents, and when I can go see mom.  We are in the here, but not yet.

I facilitate between knowing my problems are so small compared to the rest of the world and they truly are first world problems, but they are mine and they can feel consuming at times.

I think overall I just feel a bit stuck. Wanting to be in my life content but not. 

One foot in front of the other is all we can do sometimes.

The kids found a really cool crab in a shell.

 

Exploring

I just read a devotional that seems very pertinent.  Funny how that happens.  It was on the topic of Adventure and how God is our guide.  Not always an easy path.  I like to think of adventures as fun and exciting and "away."  But I think God is calling me/us on a home adventure right now.  The author said she had to lay down important things to say yes to an adventure with God.  We have to lay down our lives.  But the promise is that He will be with us which means we will have life. 

So God is calling me to continue to unpack my bags and stay put until we feel called or an opportunity arises for us to pack.  God is calling me even in this time where I am not "comfortable" in Maui, crazy as that sounds, and engage in relationships and life here.  To not trust my feelings, because they "feel" homesick and instead rely that God has not left me on this island to feel isolated and stuck.  But instead trust there is meaning and work here for me to put my hand to and I can abandon myself to trust not in what I see but in the person of Jesus. 

He told me, "So funny she is a little human."

It's so funny how time and time again I can dance around God.  I can read about the idea of God.  Think thoughts about God.  But until I stop and engage with Him and connect to His truth then I am not stopped.  But every time I stop, He blesses and cleanses with His truth.  And I get out of myself.

My adventure right now is an adventure of trust.  We are not about a travel around the globe but the traveling through our hearts.  I want exotic land.  He wants my surrender.  I want landscape I love, he wants the landscape of my heart. 

Sometimes the great adventure is staying put!

(On this day, we had a great adventure in our own backyard.  I wanted

to see a new beach area so we went to a beach I had never visited only

about 15 minutes from our house.  The kids had been there so they

were my navigators.  We have definitely had many stops and starts dealing

with attitude in these days.  It is about hanging in there with one

another and allowing the "restarts" when they come.

Our "restart" today began with this beautiful white shell.

I found it and called Bobo over who was not thrilled to

be there, he allowed his mood to shift and we had such a

good time.  You never know what will help that "restart."

I realized how alive and lifted in spirit by going

somewhere new and exploring.)