"The desert is a greeenhouse"

A question was posed in my Bible Study, A Praying Life.  "As you think about your own desert. how do you see/have you seen God lingering at the edge?  In what ways do/did you perceive him growing faith in you?"

The chapter had talked about how God isn't an answering prayer machine.  We don't always know what he is up to.  There are reasons....some we might know and others maybe not.  One of the reasons the author suggests is that it allows for relationship.  "When we hang in there during ambiguity, we get to know God.  In fact, that is how intimacy grows in all close relationships."  We also have some space for faith and for growth. 

And God is in the business of growing things...sometimes I wish he wasn't.  But that is his care for us and desire for us to emerge.  "Jesus creates the space not only for Him to emerge but us as well.  If the miracle comes too quickly, there is no room for discovery, for relationship.  He is wooing us to himself.  The waiting that is the essence of faith provides the context for relationship.  Faith and relationship are interwoven in a dance...relationships are rich and complex. 

Faith builds relationship.  God allows the desert.  "The desert becomes a greenhouse for Faith."

I have to think about this, the idea that faith builds relationship.  Because often when faith is required, I want assurance.  When faith is asking something of me I want guarantees.  When faith knocks, my knees buckle and I feel uncertain and I just want to feel out of the place of needing faith.

I would not like my relationship with Andrew if he just said, "Yes ma'am."  to everything.  And then give me what I want.  We would not have the creativity, adventure, individuality, "iron sharpening iron" and mystery of everyday living together.  It would not be rich with life and I would grow to despise.

I have had a lifetime of insecurity.  Not only in friendships but in my career of counseling, at graduate school, and now as a homeschooling parent.  I would love for that to go away.  I would love to always feel self assured.  I have many times wanted God to just tell me what to do.  Just give me assurance.

I have been ready to have that turn with a room full of people where I am looking out and sharing my "completed" story, looking back on events in my life and feeling all the accolades that accompany such a moment.  Instead often I am on the side aisle battling insecurity as well as gratefulness at the same time.  I am just normal. 

 

 

 

And my story has not been one of ease of heart.  But God has wanted me, Shannon, to grow and to emerge.  He has brought me into the desert more than once.  He wants something.  He wants me to emerge.  He wants me to fight to be present, to have a voice, to call His name, and to engage with Him.  To just have Faith.  And to be in relationship with Him so I can realize His love for me. 

balance

Balance that every elusive word. 

I am coming more and more into the belief that balance is not possible in certain seasons of life.  Being a stay at home school mom of 3, one being a growing toddler, I have had the growing realization that balance of life is not always possible but maybe more a balance of the heart.

 

 

If I turn my attention to the house, we won't accomplish as much in school.  If I turn my attention to the house, play time with kiddos will be less.  If I turn my attention to play time, our house will become a bit more messy.  If I spend quiet time replenishing my soul, the laundry basket will sit as it has been sitting for the last several days.  I try each day to accomplish teaching, baby time, and a clean house (important to me).  Often, dinner is the last thought. 

 

One day I had the realization as Cambria is sometimes deciding that she is a one nap a day girl (not fully there yet) that I will lose my afternoon quiet time.  Yikes!  I had a chat with Drew about maybe during her morning nap instead of working with the kids the whole time I should use it for a quiet time.  But that is such valuable teaching time without the pitter patter of little feet.  I felt a quick panic at the realization of not having  a set quiet time and then I thought.  This is just a season.  I will be okay.  I felt a sense of peace knowing I can pour into my kids and I will be okay and it won't last forever.  Instead of feeling the stress and pressure of trying to "get in" a quiet time.  It is life giving for me to have that time I am "off" and for a season there might be days that time looks different.  And I might have to be creative.  

And guess what.  I get to trust God's provision.  That word.  My word for the year.  Provision.  Will I trust his hand.  So everyday when I do get a quiet time, I see it as a surprise gift. 

Bobo and dada out surfing.

 

Three Arrows

We are celebrating beginning again.

New markers and old candle...the same candle I

lit for our first class in Carmel.

Here we go!

We begin again today.  Hopefully with renewed vision and

under the cloud of wonder.  Seeking goodness!

Three students.  Three Arrows...the name of our school.

I read the book, Teaching From Rest this summer.

What a great read.  I also listened to several

podcasts of the Read Aloud Revival.  I am

inspired to read aloud to my children more.

I was also given the words of freedom that all

I have to do is be faithful to what has been given

to me. "We offer ourselves to God, we introduce

our children to beauty and goodness and truth,

and cease our anxious striving.  This is the way

to teach from rest."  -Sarah Mackenzie

 

Transitions

This girl was in agony.  She was so itchy and miserable

when her feet and hands were not cold to lessen

the itching.  What an awful disease.  The best

part is that it goes away. 

I love Cambria's face. 

They bonded~ 

Crazy virus, after all the itching, the peeling. 

We tried every itch cream on the shelf at Target,

Andrew kept bringing Dev things to try.

Desperate times!

We often clean our garage, I believe this

was one of those days. 

With a photo shoot. 

Big girl climbing! 

I spy a red fire hat. 

I loved this moment.  Bobo and I were watering the

flowers playing "fire" in our everyday clothes.

Suddenly sweet Deveraux runs to the upstairs

window asking to be "saved."  That was all it took

for Bobo to run upstairs and put on all his fire

gear.  The fire gear does not come out near as

often, really hardly at all.  All I can say, is I am

so glad it still makes an appearance. 

So we are celebrating 22 years!  I had hopes of a date

(of course) but our girls contracted the H,F,M virus.

SO I was hoping for a beach picnic with the family.

But Dev was still so uncomfortable.  So we will

"rain check" the alone date.  We picked up pizza

and sat on our lanai.   

22 years with the love of my life.  This man I know

really well and yet still holds some mystery.  I think

that is a great combination.  I would not choose to

walk this road with any other.  He have given me my

best gifts...himself and my three.

Andrew, you steady me, keep things light, know me,

handle me, provide, push me, and you are the

steady faithful rock God has given me.

I love you babe. 

  

Andrew and Bobo cleaned the car, it is time

to sell our first faithful van. 

Healing comes slowly, but it is coming! 

Painting project.  finally taking in Dev's

dresser-the china cabinet.   

 

Painted her little side table all white.

In Carmel, we had put two colors on it.

She wanted all white. 

Remains of a project. 

Papa is back in Maui and the kiddos are thrilled!

 

dada's clothes 

Lovin babies and sitting on steps. 

Football has arrived.  We are about a month

late for practice due to our trip, but Bobo

was still able to join.  He loves the pads! 

Practicing tackling.

Lots of Lego playing. 

We did some cleaning and purging this summer but I did not

work on the classroom.  It's time.  So here we go.

I was still feeling that need for the clutter not to

show itself.  I wanted to think through how to organize

in such a way to not have as much out.  I also needed

to organize our school books and determine what we needed

to keep and what to let go of--I read and it makes so much

sense that when you have too many books out that are

unused you can begin to feel defeated or that you are

always playing "catch-up."  We do not need that feeling! 

Welcomed rain! 

So funny, they were showing me how I sit.

I forget I'm being watched! 

Some fun art from last year...Pop Art/Andy Worhol style. 

We never take sink baths, Dev and

I thought we would try it.

She didn't last too long. 

Good Night another day.

We are settling back into Maui

and now we transition to school.

Almost time for school to start.