....forts being made outside and inside the living room showed evidence that creativity was at work through play. I had thoughts of both I love this so much and yet I wish my living room were in order.
And it struck me that God is in the business of allowing me to see at every turn my need for Him.
"Ah ha's" I think are when it something you might already know moves from head to heart and you get it!
Left to myself I vacillate between my need for order, cleanliness, peace, and predictability...and my desire for play, creativity, being present, and spontaneity.
I know i write and think a lot about wanting to do more, be better, etc as a mama. When I was stopped on Saturday morning, the thought, was, "yes, of course, I am not going to get this mothering thing down, I don't have to....and I can't even if I tried." It was so freeing in that moment.
I need to draw water from the well every moment. I can't get my water once for the day and expect it to last. I have thirst that requires many trips to the well throughout the day and God has given me these sweet babies to love on, be incredibly blessed by, and have to go to the well for....in this season of my life these babies show me my need for God. My need for the well that never runs dry, my need for living water instead of myself just merely working harder. My life as a mom points me to God.
I had the clear thought, that is the business God is in,....reminding us of our need for Him. So often I turn my hard into, "I just have to try harder" or "If I can just tweak this or that, it will be perfect.".
Are there things I can work on, of course. Books to learn from, yes. Goals and visions to strive for, definitely.
BUT more importantly is knowing I cannot do this without Him.
As my friend Katy also spoke in her blog that she feels she has not felt a need for God more than she has in the last 3 years as a mom.
My day held that truth today within itself. Nothing majorly different but I felt engaged, I felt I could sit for a bit and have tea (water) and crackers on the driveway by the fort. Looking back, I felt more patient, I felt more "in it". Was there still the hard of the day, yes, (another blog entry). But I know I don't want to "go it alone"....I can't.
Lord, continue to remind me of my need for you and return to the well.
(this was written last Saturday...and I definately needed some "well time" today... my very impatient day that I blogged about earlier. I know it is not magic, it is a relationship with God...step by step...)
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