Patience

I pick up my girl from school.

She is upset because she does not have her Thanksgiving placemat that she made.

She so badly wanted to show it to me.

I did not know how bad.

She goes into the classroom and the teacher says, "not now" as she is in a conference and I believe she wants to give them to the students later.

Deveraux rages against the no.

Deveraux is not usually a child to rage.

I try to be patient.

I get impatient because I can't fix it.

I am mad at the idea of school and if we weren't in school this wouldn't be happening...

  ....mad at life for feeling unfair, and upset with Deveraux because she is becoming out of control in her emotions.

The emotions want to swallow her and she wants to give them that space.

She is usually is pretty even tempered.  

This is somewhat new

How do I respond?

She is just mad and mad shows up all over her and her body.

My boy won't listen again, "please come when I call."

I can look in on myself while this is all taking place, trying to get us all to the car in one piece.

But I feel in pieces. 

I don't like that I am impatient, that I get to a place where I just won't tolerate.

"Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm"

But I don't want to be calm, I want to rage at the world too sometimes.

I want to have a fit and to say it's not fair (just even for a minute).

"A hot tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute" (Prov. 15:18)

We get home, now I feel I can hold her.

I pray.

I set a boundary for her anger.  I try to understand.

I repent.

Tell my boy I am sorry for sometimes not being patient and yet I also need him to listen to me.

"He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. (Prov. 14:29)."  "Patience makes us wise.

If we allow, patience slows us down because we don't always know what is brewing below the surface for ourselves or for our kids on a particular day, it can catch us all by surprise.

It is a 1,000 times a day as a mom.

Directing and redirecting.

Not having the luxury to lash out when you want

To say, "it's not fair" when you want to, throw up your hands and say, "no more laundry" and "no more picking up for me."  and "I won't allow you to act that way!"

"Patience listens.  Patience is where love meets wisdom.  Patience is a deep breath.  It is a choice to control your emotions instead of your emotions controlling you."

See, you don't always get a "heads up" for what you children will present.

And then you definitely get the choice on how you will react.

Then how they react is coupled with where you are on a particular day.

Today I woke up feeling behind, grumbling, not wanting to take on the tasks set before me and what I had to produce in a certain time frame;

It's funny, I used to think I was so patient.  It seems that is often where I get tripped up as a mom.  I can so easily lash out at the wrong presented to me.

'When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation"

Tonight as dada told a story and I saw each one I love more than words fall asleep, I think, "I am so blessed." 

Yet, "feeling" blessed doesn't always respond in love.

I wish I could have a "re-do". 

I repented again to my children.

I will get another chance tomorrow.

God is teaching.

(thanks "The Love Dare"  for all your good quotes and verse reminders!)