hand on my knee

oh my Deveraux.

It is late.

I should be in bed...asleep

like this little boy angel next to me who is really looking like an angel.

But my heart feels somewhat burdened and these days this is where I write.

For the few who read and the one day when you and your brother will read.

and I will read and remember.

 

My heart feels burdened because I can't stop time, I can only respond to it and choose within it.

 

Today your choices were hard for me.

I wanted you to reach out to the little boy on the beach. 

A play date where we had met him and his mom.

They do not know Jesus and we may be the only ones who show His kind of kindness today.

I want you to be different.  I wanted you to give him a high five.

You said no.

I don't understand, why do you withhold?

I ask you to pull down your sunglasses as I talk (looking too much like a teenager)

Are you a child? yes.  But I still want more.

 

I have always been about the condition of your heart.

I have always been after drawing out kindness and compassion from you.

 

I have been so real and honest with you about many things.

About people.  About loving. 

But I have also sheltered you a lot from evil and those things you will know about one day,

but can wait.

 

My heart feels burdened because I want so much for you and from you.

I want to love you so well Deveraux.

You who first stole my heart in a way no one ever has....or will

 

Time will not cease.

I do not want our interactions as you grow to be mostly ones of correction and

asking you to complete tasks.

I don't want to look up and realize you are not the little girl anymore and that is the only one I know how to relate to....

 

I miss you (funny because we live together :))

But that can happen in a house.

I have a planned one of our dates for the weekend because I want to just hang out with you. 

When I am away with just the two of us, I feel we both so enjoy each other,

and it creates more fertile soil.

You have a lot to say, I want to hear.

I also just want to enjoy and watch.

I know these interactions will provide the base when we need them!

 

I also know I can choose (with much help) to love you well in the day to day.

Not waiting for the "right" time.

You are my girl.

Through and through.

So hang on, keep putting your hand on my knee, we can traverse together.

I just love you so.....