Sometimes it is hard to sleep knowing you have a baby coming. There is a babies head resting in my pelvis area, ready to descend. And I do not know the day or hour that life will burst forth.
Two days ago, I helped my mom pack over the phone as she was getting ready to depart her home faced with the reality that she can no longer live alone due to Alzheimer's. We do not know the day or hour her needs change. She was brought to my sister's door the night before with a policeman, after found outside wandering and unsure of how to get home.
I helped my mom pack the china cabinet about 19 years ago as she left our family home due to divorce. She would now live a single life in a condo. Here we were packing again. Another life change.
Life is in constant flux. And on either end, you are ready to be birthed or preparing to die. A baby's movements determine the contractions that ultimately push life out. My mom's one wish is not to die right now, she wants to be here, with us. I wonder if my baby wants to stay in the womb. Change is hard. It is the unknown we are afraid of. It seems life is always asking us to embrace opening the next door.
God allows birth. God allows death. He is the giver of life. He is the receiver of death.
I asked myself the other day, was I given this life in my womb to help me cope with the death of the one who gave me life?
I will miss this reminder in my belly that there is more to life than my own. There is another growing inside of me, what an absolutely divine miracle! Pulsing, pushing...I will miss this.
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