Fathers day 2012 in Carmel

Grateful.  So Blessed. 
Two different but caring, sensitive, kind men.
Verbal, curious, storytellers, adventurous, funny, a little different from the normal curve (he he)
Our Papa and Dada

So Andrew had signed up for the Father's Day run, but decided not to do it because he has been focusing on training for the marathon we are going to do...

so he asked Papa.  Dad agreed and went for it!  Yeah Papa, it was fun to cheer him on!

Deveraux and Papa shared some special times.  They would be giggling in the back of the van, making up stories and silly things.  They seem to get each other's humor. This was so special to me, to see them enjoying one another.  It was also fun to see them working on the swing project.  Deveraux standing by his side patiently, as I did when I was that tall.

They had fire trucks and an ambulance at the race site, very exciting for Mr. Bobo!

Thanks Kimmy, for bringing me over to the trucks!

It never gets old!

Deveraux though of Trek and wrote some words for him on the race memory board.

Next we headed to church, had some pancakes and celebrated our Papa and dada with cards!

"To the best dad in the world"  Amen, couldn't have said it better.  Deveraux was very excited about this card she had made in the last days of school.

We couldn't ask for better!

After church, we headed to Big Sur to the River Inn for pizza and river fun!

Andrew found a place where we could rent tubes and cruise down the river.  It was fun.  Deveraux was a little anxious, but I hung onto her tube the whole way down and I felt we conquered some fears of hers and had a great adventure!

This was the face of Bobo the whole way down the river.  Just staring but "into" it.  He seems to "wear" this face when he is enjoying some great but a little scary new adventure.

This was at the end for the camera!

A good time at the river...

Next we headed to one of the beaches that is down a remote long road, but beautiful.  Overcast and a little rainy, but beautiful!

I have not had him in the Ergo carrier for awhile, he slept the whole time.

Explorer

The next day we headed to Santa Cruz for a little while.  This was our last full day together with papa and Kimmy.  A good filled trip with new memories and being able to show them around a little bit more and just feel enjoyed! 

The holiday is over...a sign of a good time had by all! 

Receiving

I asked for something and I have not been good at receiving. 

It is never the way we want it, the "packaging" we hoped for, the color we think we look best in....

We moved to California and once again I was a "fish out of water" trying to figure out this new pond.  Where do I fit, where do I belong, who will choose me...."God. please use me" was my prayer.

Fast forward 10 months and I am dropping off Anderson at Sunday School and I see that the kids have their own worship time, something I had just noticed.  I asked Julie, the children's director, who has befriended us.  She said, yes, the kids do worship and I noticed you enjoy worship, would be ever be interested in leading?  Me?  Yes, it kinda fits, I have been a part of two worship teams in the past  I gave it a week and just knew I needed to say yes.  Asking for a prayer of blessing and stepping out in faith, I said yes.

Now after a month into it, I feel my weakness, my insufficiency, I feel this not be what God had in mind for answering my prayer because I don't feel great and confident.  Insecurity.  Yuck!  That old familiar voice that reminds us that "we cannot."  I want to do this and I can't.  I want to play that guitar chord and it just doesn't come out as I want and it never has...I have felt some progress when I had been in lessons for awhile but then we moved or a baby was born and more years passed before I began again.  So now I begin again.  I know I have something to share, but I feel so limited. 

Now fast forward again, because my first time leading worship for kiddos was Good Friday, now it is end of July.  I was also able to co-lead the music and group sessions of Vacation Bible School.  It was a blessing and I will blog more about that later.  I still feel I have a long way to go and I still have to fight those feelings of insecurity.  It also seems every time I practice at home, I am running interference for my own kiddos, so it looks something like this..."stop it, be kind..." and then back into, "Our God is an awesome God..." 

But, I am supposed to be doing this at this time.  I love that a praise song is continually on Bobo's lips and that Deveraux comes up to the front and has lead worship with me both in song and in hand motions.  It is not about my expertise or how well I play, it is about giving and teaching and leading worship.  I feel challenged for the days ahead, to really give of myself and pour into this journey and to grow and to give!

Andrew has been so supportive, now he often is in charge of making sure the words appear on the screen.

Papa and Kimmy come to town

They were so excited to see Papa...showing him different things....

We first had a couple of days with papa...headed to Moss Landing to pick up our fruits and veggies....love these prices!!

Kimmy brought us Maui treats!  Yummy!  She arrived a few days after Papa.  We felt blessed and touched that they would make it part of their summer plans to come and be with us.  And be with us, hanging with the kiddos and being present and enjoying them. 

Some things don't change...like papa's silliness

It's Flag Day!  Kimmy got us in the spirit and we celebrated with flags on the bikes and dinner at Chili's!

A new adventure....we headed to Garland Park in Carmel Valley for a hike, it was nice.

Learning about trail signs from Papa

The river at the end was the big treat...good thing he wore his fire boots!

More adventures to come.....

Through every season....

I love my children.  I have told them each at different times, "I love being with you."  I really do. 

And then there are those times when it is harder.  I don't know why a particular season comes but lately, it has been more difficult.  My tendency is to say within myself, "we just need to get it back where it was...when things went smoother, you didn't act out as much, I didn't hear any whining, there was no arguing or harsh tones."  I want that peaceful calm everything is going along smoothly day. 

My mom has been visiting and I think I especially feel some pressure to show her only the best side of Anderson and Deveraux.  Why?  Maybe so she will see the best side of me.  Maybe so she will have a smooth peaceful day.  Maybe so she will know that my kids often don't act that way.  Maybe so I feel feel more peaceful and calm. 

Maybe all of the above.

It sometimes is harder when I am with someone else (besides Andrew) and my kids.  We have been on our own a lot and I guess it goes along with my people pleasing self that when it is just me, I can just be me with he kids and I know I am more attentive to them, not as worried if everyone and everything is okay and go with the flow a little more.

I found myself on our bike ride today correcting Bobo so much.   "Don't go there, come here, stay on the path, we have to catch up, don't stop...."  Correction and guidance of course are necessary and good.  But I also don't want to be driven by an energy that is so focused on accomplishing some sort of goal I had in mind that doesn't allow room for the moment or room to be a boy.

I thought today, when we are in a hard season, I want to pour out the love even more  Love on that boy and that girl.  Tell them how much I love them even when sweetness is not on their lips or when I wish they would act differently.  Isn't that how God is with us.  He sees our ugly and He embraces us and calls us to more and shows us that His love covers a multitude of wrong. 

I want to see those moments of my two loves arguing with one another as an opportunity...

I want to see that whine as a pocket that needs to be filled with love...

I want to see that "momentarily deaf ear" not listening as I say, "red stop" as a moment to correct in love.....

I want patience, not a cringe inside my soul. 

I don't want peace at any cost, I want love at any cost.

I want to be directed, not always direct

I want to know it is okay and "this too shall pass"

I just want to love.

"His power made perfect in my weakness!'

Faith

"Patience is more than endurance.  A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer.  God is aiming at something the saint cannot see...He goes on stretching till His purpose in in sight, then He lets fly."

"Trust yourself in God's hands.

Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith."

"Faith is not a pathetic sentiment, but robust vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love.  You cannot see Him just now, you cannot understand what He is doing, but you know Him."

"Faith is the heroic effort of your life; you fling yourself in reckless confidence on God."

"God has ventured all in Jesus Christ to save us, now He wants us to venture our all in abandoned confidence in Him.  There are spots where that faith has not worked in us as yet, places untouched by the life of God.  The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering.  If we take this view, life becomes one great romance, a glorious opportunity for seeing marvelous things all the time.  God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power."

Thank you Oswald Chambers ("My Utmost for His Highest)