Pausing

These days I find in my "Blogging Life" much time has passed before I pull up this page and alas, once again I have some posts to catch up on.

But usually when I sit to write it is because I feel the need to attend to something in my current day and those past days will have to wait to be recorded.

Today is one of those days.  Lately, I have felt such a small margin in my life for me to be, sit, listen, write, dream, be unscheduled.....I have such a need for this.  When I haven't it had it for awhile, I can feel a little life being sucked out of me.  I become inpatient, snippy, and no fun to be around.  It is such a deep feeling, like a need to breathe.  I fulfill needs all day.  And I don't do this half heartedly.

When I am alone, I am just filling my cup.  It is hard for me to feel "off" in the presence of anyone else.  Something I am slowing learning about myself with new language.  There is something that happens for me, something very life giving, when I can write how I feel, take stock, "organize" my mind and heart.

I spy...Bobo

I also have the need to organize myself as a teacher.  Much of the time I am "winging" it.  But it feels good to be intentional.  I also have tasks or curriculum I want to implement and I need the time to do this.

I asked Andrew for 2 hours a week I could call my own.  Right now, Deveraux made a deal with me to take Cambria outside if we didn't have to finish our together work.  Yikes?!?  But I said yes!  This is enabling me to write in the early evening with the sun going down.

It can almost feel like a panic if I can't have some minutes to call my own.

There is so much in a given day.  Feelings felt, information taken in, social media, To do lists, conversations with kiddos, ....I so want what is being impressed upon me to have a bit of a shelf life instead of living in a revolving door.  If the inspiration or new thoughts don't have much air time, it is just on to the next thing and I can feel a bit lost.  I want to have some dreams.  I believe dreams need time and space to be cultivated and encouraged to surface.

 

(She made it to the top!  We were proud of her!)

So I will keep fighting for time as I go now and take whatever I have remaining and enjoying the last light before I hear the sounds of littles.

(A good hike)

Soul space

Here I am in this life giving space.  Soul space.  I can feel the perspective coming back today.  We have had quite a week.  Sickness invaded in our home.  Some days were just about getting from one end to the other.  Part of life is just accepting that reality.  Some days are "get through" days.  I think it is okay to ask God to break through and provide moments of reprieve or endurance but days can just be hard.

I also know getting this soul space allows me to get though the days that are hard. I have a reserve and I have met with a God that now does not feel so distance or disconnected from me.  My life does not allow deep introspection each day, journal writing, or an allowance to chase a thought that enters my brain.  There are three in my care almost all hours of the day.  And its okay as long as I make space at some point.

When I get here, I feel my own skin again.  I am just not reacting to need.  I have passions within,  a person within me and not a person because of my extensions (kiddos).

(I feel like these sunflowers are bowing to the one who made them)

A passion I have is to encourage other women to take their own soul space.  It is how I believe we can live a grace filled life in the midst of a life poured out.  I believe the well must be filled with water so we can draw upon it many times before we can get back to the well again to fill up.  So one must find what fills ones soul.  For me, this means writing, reading, sitting, and praying.  It does not mean Netflix.  I love a good show, sign me up for a good series and I will get excited for that moment on the couch as I am on the home stretch of getting kiddos down to bed.  BUT in this season, that will not fill my well because it does not feed my soul.   It is what it is, entertainment...not soul food.  It is important to recognize what fills a soul so you know what to do when the space is given or created and important to recognize when we are running on empty.

I feel I am a woman of great determination and stamina. But, in this season of homeschooling, loving on a toddler, parenting an energized Bobo, guiding a growing into adolescence girl....I need soul space.  I am so grateful for a husband who gives it to me when asked.  I then can not feel desperate and trust it will come.  Maybe not always in my exact timing, but I must trust the provider for the provision.

I invite others to this table of soul food!

A bit of our days....

Sisters!

She is going through the series again.

I want to remember you in my back seat!

We love our TJ Maxi/Whole Foods dates!

When you learned about checking prices.

Treats from mama and Kimmy...

(that will be wicked away when we return home and

hidden until Valentines DAY!)

We simply loved it!

Because we don't go to the park much but you

love the park and we have to give a turn to the

toddler in the family even if it is almost dark,

we will go to the park!

First room complete towards New Years resolution

to take a room a month to clean, purge, fix, and simplify.

You room in the morning light.

I don't usually beat him to waking up these days!

This garage pains me, this is before garbage was taken

out.  We clean and it gets messy!  Cambria likes to feed kitty!

Map work, which you enjoy and produce such

good work.

He loves working on his surf gear.

She has learned from a pro!

Bobo's kitty art shots.

Our response to Walt Whitman's poem.

We found out on this evening the tragic news that Barnes and noble

would be moving to the other side of the island.  The camera

immediately started clicking.  Oh my goodness not only so

many memories but our spot to be.  There are not many 

indoor good places to meet and be.  I am sad.

His first downwind paddle training, little

did we know less than 6 months later he

would be in two races and meet all kinds

of watermen and women.

One on skates, one on water and one in stroller!

And me!

We got it back on!

These are the words that encourage my heart!

The kinds of things our son looks at.

The excitement of Sabbath desert!

A bit of our life on these pages.