Kindergarten

Breaking the seal of our nest. I am not ready, will I ever be...not sure. Thinking through starting school was so difficult for me. I have not shed so many tears in a really long time. Sobs actually... after the kids would go to bed, I just felt so sad. I also felt uncertain if we were choosing the right direction. There is so much time for school and so little time to be young. I love the gift of playing and didn't want to short circuit anything. I have loved our freedom and our days together! I had this funny homesick feeling for Deveraux. The funny think was she was not experiencing any of those feelings. I asked if she was sad to not be sending our days together (I know wanting affirmation) and she said, "of course not, I am excited." Like how can I be sad when I have so much in front of me, as it should be. I believe I was feeling what I at times felt as a little girl heading off from home. But Deveraux is okay being her own person. It is such a reminder that our perception of our reality is not reality. I also had to deal with guilt feelings of had I done enough for her while she was home. I know some of this may sound dramatic, but they were real feelings for such a deep love.

Room 8...River Elementary, Carmello

Deveraux had received some homework when we went to visit her teacher before her first day. She really wants to do well.

Shower before school, she is excited with butterflies!

Tying shoes before she is off running....

I need to pray because ultimately Dev is God's and my biggest prayer/desire is that she will life a life given over to Him and so I want to trust Him with the decision of school and when she does go out that He is big enough to take care of her. Do I really trust Him for her care?

I had the thought that I am always worried about those things that will influence Deveraux but what about the fact that she can be a light in the dark.

God give me strength to not have my bundle of joy around me for the first time in almost 6 years. Change is so hard, often good, even though time and time again I think it won't be good. It was cute when Deveraux got on her backpack and looked at her outfit she said, "what have I gotten myself into?" I thought, "that is exactly what I have been thinking."

Someone told me, we want our children to feel rooted enough to fly.

Well then soar sweet Deveraux!

She has been my companion growing under my watch, it is so hard to know she will not be by my side. One of the hardest things about letting her go was that I will not be available to her. I had such tears when she couldn't zip up her skirt and I was helping her and realized I won't be there later to help her zip it up. We try and prepare our children all along to know how to turn on a facet but we are also there when they need us.

Let go, Trust, Faith...That is where I am constantly called, this is just the most precious thing so far. As Stefany reminded me, "she is equipped." It felt like such a sacrifice to let her go.

Kiss Good-bye..Anderson kept asking once we left Deveraux , "Where's Raux Raux?" "Go see her" Of course that just kept my tears flowing.

One last look as she is being introduced to new friends. I could not get to the car fast enough for the tears to flow.

I read, God proves Himself when we feel we have the least to offer, so we can be clear the power comes from Him and not from us. If we are unprepared or uncertain or whatever...God gets to shine!

Even though I have had my days with Bobo, they have also been with Deveraux. I kind of had the feeling that I was starting over with him, as I had my days with Deveraux.

Of course I wanted to go to the ocean after Andrew and I dropped Deveraux off at school. I know I had to face this and get to the other side and then I can see what rises to the surface and each year we can make decisions about school. "When my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I, you have been my refuge-let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Appoint loving kindness and truth that they may preserve him. So I will sing praise to Your name forever-" Psalm 61

We will miss you sissy, your fingerprints are everywhere, we will miss you today but we are okay and I hope you shine like the stars for Jesus!!