lashes

We are cozy in her bed.
It is "nigh night time"
I feel her lashes against my face.
We are that close.
I am immediately brought back to when she was a baby and night after night...after night, rocking, saying "shhhh", and literally closing her eyes with my hands.
We were that close.

I am struck by how it is so easy to lose closeness.
Physical proximity.
I am the one who puts Bobo to bed, this night time closeness from me has belonged mostly to him.

I am sad that without realizing it, that closeness can be absent for a time.  Not hugs and kisses but that same breath closeness.
My mind goes to two places: How long will I be able to kiss her as much as I want and have her fall asleep with our faces touching.  And then if I allow that closeness to fade (not talking about just the hugs and kisses) then it seems it will be too hard to retrieve it.

I want physical closeness with my children.  One day I don't want a gaze, touching cheek to cheek, sweet kisses to feel awkward or unfamiliar or now we are adults and we "don't do that".  Of course, some of it will change, but I want that access and the ease of familiar touch.

I hold this so dear.