August is here and it is hot. Thank you for
air conditioning. Some days we are just at home
in the cool air learning about this baby.
I believe that is a Bobo sock.
We had to put these little clothes on her, they have been worn by
one of Deveraux's baby dolls.
It's just us now.
So what's going on with me.
I always know when it's time to start writing. My head starts
acting like a counselor and I need to get it out on paper.
It's when I hit an impasse or a road block and I'm not doing
well. So here is my list:
1) I am a new mama. I have an infant, huge adjustment period.
Even though it is my third time, each time you start over.
One day she sleeps too much, I worry. The day she is up,
I worry. (insert a little laugh here). Just like a new mama.
2) Sleep deprivation: I am up at night and nursing, I can get really tired.
3) Bobo has had trouble listening, can get wearisome.
4) battling a cold
5)Our schedule: Drew was going to work 4 days a week for Family
Medical Leave Act, now that Bobo started football, there are days
I don't see him for 11 hours.
 |
| Exhibit A: Football cleats, taken my Bobo, he is excited! |
6) Drew having a hard season with selling at work, when
he is stressed, I feel it.
7) mom- moved into a place for Alzheimer's- struggling that she
should be with family.
8) Exercise- lack of which I feel mostly surrendered to. I
know my time is not my own right now and its been
easy to accept my body as I know its temporary. Yet,
I know moving would help me.
9) Feel out of the friend loop- I need to re-engage with
people. I think pregnancy and hew mom stage gives
me a good excuse to hide away..not all bad but easy for me
to get isolated.
10) Need to make sure I have time to journal, talk to my
support people, connect with Drew, and have creative outlets.
So lists are good when I feel overwhelmed with many
different feelings over different things going on. It kind of
sorts it all out.
Not aware yet to play, soon enough.
I think this was her real 1 month picture,
right before bed...before she turned 1 month and 1 day. :)
First play time in the "gym" with Bobo.
At first Bobo wasn't sure about baby kisses, so this was his big
step. His love continues to grow.
A quick try with the sling.
I know I should not have an ungrateful bone in my body
as I stare at this little one in front of me. I just wish
my sisters and mom could see Cambria grow. I wish I
could be with Stef and Het as they go through albums of
pictures and moms things. I wish I could go see mom.
The days are short. On an island, they feel long.
My girls
Gigi brought this shirt.
Everything is so new with a baby in our midst.
I love my family of 5. I love my husband. I love the way we do
life and choices we make. We are just far. I grow weary of
island life. Ocean is beautiful and there are plenty of
appreciation moments for our landscape and our of the
"hustle and bustle". Sometimes I feel "dulled" here. I want
fullness of a different kind. I want to be stirred creatively.
I want a different landscape. I want to be cold. I want to
not know what's around the corner. I want connection to
my past and connection to place. I know I need to "bloom
where I am planted" but I also just need to sometimes say,
"I wish I were in a different garden."
(I wrote all of these words in this blog on August 7th. Of course,
my feelings change intensity. But it's important for me
to document. Maui has held so much for me- my children's
births, a way of life so different from how I grew up. It has
shaped our family in many ways and offered us good things:
a common ground enjoying water together, island life, an
opportunity for closeness and defining who we are as a family,
and some things just difficult to articulate. I am grateful for
this island even though I have wrestled with it as well.)
It's good to note that feelings change in our days, weeks, months.
We are ever moving and that is particularly good when we find
ourselves in a more difficult season. It is good to "get it all out" and
name what we feel. And it's good to look back and see that the
stuff of life changes and where we are in our feelings change.
Movement is good.
Dev took these pics and liked them.
We only had a couple kitchen sink baths, mostly in the bathroom.
I love this baby.
AND this baby!
Good Hot August days...together at home.
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