one more time

They are calling off the search for our dad.
The weather is not good.
They will not search until Monday.
They are not hopeful.

I could hardly breathe.
Heather called me outside Safeway.
"no no no no!"
This can't be.
I am pushing my cart down the parking lot, the loud clatter matching
the craziness I feel.
I am gasping.

It is guttural.
Real and still not.

I just want one more
One more talk.  Just one more.

There is no one who loves me the way my dad does.... in his way to his Shanny

It hit me tonight as we watched the ocean.
This is the hope of glory.
dad, if you are off that mountain and so with Jesus,
we will see you.
The hope of glory.
this is not a positive spin.
This is the only hope we have this side of heaven.

Dad, I love you so much.
I want to talk to you about all of this.
I groan.  It is real.  It is a dream.
I just want one more time.