"Is this anyone's?" He wants to know.
"It is mine," she responds.
That truth is ignored for something that feels more important for the moment.
Moments later.
"When is your birthday?" He asks.
The wheels inside begin to turn. Hands are grasped tightly now around two charms. A gleam in the eye.
"What kind of words do you like...love, joy, those kind of words?"
I make a few guesses, not the right one.
He continues, "What about faith?"
"Yes that is a good word," I say.
His plan is gaining momentum. "Do you have any chains?"
"Yes, I think I might."
"Do you have any of those boxes that people use to get engaged, where you can open it?" Pantomiming with his hands the opening of a box with hinges.
"Yes, I probably do."
He is clearly anticipating his future.
He wants me to find the chain and the jewelry hoops before Cambria's nap time. He works diligently the whole time I am away. He is having trouble because the chain links are so small and he cannot fix the broken clasp. He tries it on me asking me not to look down and it breaks. He goes in to find another necklace, this time it is one I already wear with a charm on it. He decides on this he can add his additional charms.
He loses a charm. His sister comes to help in the search. She realizes it is her cross that she is actually looking for and she expresses frustration at something being taken from her and given to another. This frustration will not go away quietly.
He wants to know if I have the box.
I go and get the box, he is clearly pleased at its loud snapping noise.
"Can I give it to you now?" He asks, not actually asking.
We have a talk about when we give gifts as the giver. To think about the one you are giving to and would they want to wait for their birthday? "I am just so excited." He brings it up a few more times. The box continues to snap. Open shut, open, shut.
He tries it on me. It is so hard for him to wait. I have to conceal my muffled laughter at wearing the gift that has not been given yet.
The frustrated sister wants to see the charms. She has not forgotten, She also wants the gift opened before Tuesday. I tell them they need to deal with it with their dad because I am the recipient of the gift. No, they want to settle it with me.
She is sure the charms are hers. He admits to one but says the other came from his closet. He pleads his case. "I don't have many things that mom would want." He needs to have this. She does not need the charms as much as she needs it known that they are hers, even if they are no longer.
She leaves and I can hold him close. I speak gently and closely telling him the best present is honesty. I would choose that gift over any other he could give me. I will give you a minute, I tell him. Just come clean. I want honesty. It takes him a couple tries and then he admits he found the charms downstairs and not in his room.
We discuss what must be done. Apologies offered and a request if the charms might still be given away.
And now the shame, hurt, disappointment, embarrassment, and whatever else now enters.
He is not ready. The owner of the charms calls to him from down the stairs, she wants to see him. I can guess she is ready to bless him. He is not ready to be blessed. He still feels tied to what he cannot yet shed. He leaves and the door shuts behind him.
I let her know what is happening and prepare her heart to meet his. She knocks on his door. I was not privy to what transpired between them but now they are working together. Smiles are back. Spirits renewed. I was just asked of the whereabouts of a saw. And if they could borrow my neck.
This story feels important and I'm not even sure I understand all the ways yet.
(May 29, 2018)
We need to study and know our children so we can see them and love them. On Mothers Day I was feeling a bit overlooked by those I toil with day after day. But today was just another reminder that my boy doesn't do life like I do, he is not as calculated, as planned, as thought out. He is spontaneous and once something is realized he will follow that to completion. He realized he had the beginnings of a gift. It didn't matter if the timing was right, whatever else we had planned for the afternoon, where he would get his supplies (even if they came from the recipient of the gift who knew what was happening the whole time but was trying not to look to keep just the tiniest of surprise available).
Homeschooling. Could we have these moments if they were in school. Sure. Probably. There are just more moments for them to happen when you are home and together. He may have not found the charm on the floor while learning about planets in the sky. More moments have more potential. Like a law of averages. Just like before kids there were more moments for spontaneity. Lord, let me me worthy of the calling and present for all these moments!
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