Sorting stuff out.

Trying to sort through something about God a bit.

This school year we have been studying Exodus in our school room. And now I have started the She Reads Truth reading plan for Lent which is reading through Exodus.

I am struck by how God has this vision, a plan of saving His people but there are many casualties along the way.  When Moses goes to Pharaoh based on God's prompting to save the people, Pharaoh becomes angry and puts an even greater burden on the people by making them now get the straw and supply their own materials for making the bricks.  They were already struggling as slaves, now it is even worse for them.  More lives are lost in this enslavement and yet God's plan proceeds.

Then reading in the Magicians Nephew, an amazing book by C.S. Lewis is telling about Aslan's plan to keep Narnia safe from the witch for a time.  Digory, the main boy character wants desperately to save his mother, but Aslan does not make any guarantees to him.  He only asks Digory to help Narnia.  It is only after Digory does what Aslan asks and brings him an apple from a tree that the lion then gifts him with a healing apple back. But several pages and interactions happened between the obeying with no guarantees and the healing.

This makes me uncomfortable.  A God who moves forward to establish His plans even if some are left behind or hurt in the process.  But I do believe He's so different that what I suppose Him to be.  Strangely, there is something good in a God who moves and keeps His course even if there be pain along the way.  I think some of the good in this is for my people pleasing heart who often has to make sure we are all good before we move on.

He is "father to the fatherless"....but allows some to become fatherless on earth because the vision is bigger than that one life?

He is a "champion of widows"....but allows men to die because they are not making enough bricks.

There is this dicotomy that God would die for one and yet many died in the process of sending out his decrees. Is that Old Testament, old covenant?  There is the parable of the lost sheep and the good shepherd will go after the one, which is just as important as the 99.  It is probably not black and white and in my humanity I want to figure it out.  There is just mystery we have to live in.  But I believe God wants us to interact with Him through his words and even when that means wrestling with his character, even if that is hard.  He can handle it.  So can I.

I think I also have a lot to learn in my interactions with my kids.  I explain far too much. I don't allow a lot of mystery or those things for me to know and show without telling.  I want to do this more in my parenting and teaching!