Blessed Days...In His Hands: dare to love

I just finished "Love Dare" (all the statements with quotes are from the book) with my Bible study group.

So many good truths to take in and apply to my marriage. There are many great dares at the end of each chapter (40 days total). I still have a few dares to complete, I did not tell Andrew that I was reading the book and he does not really read the blog so I am safe for now. :). It has been so good for me to not just read a book but try it out and taste what is required, practice and choose to love and then incredibably...be blessed myself!! Love works! Of course, I highly recommend this book!

I need to continue to learn "lead my heart and not follow it." I know for me much of how I operate is based on feelings. In a marriage, following feelings can be a disastrous path to follow. Many things in the book were reminder truths...we can only sustain love deeply and sacrificially through God's strength and love is so about the other. In reading the book, I feel I am now held to a higher standard. Once you know more, you are responsible. Many times I am now stopped in my daily life with Drew and asked the questions...will you continue to give, what will bless him, and it may not be fair but what is love asking you to do?

We need to "learn to love" or work to love...much of the time I forget these truths. "You either make decisions based out of love for yourself or others and love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others." "Enjoying marriage means you don't get to just look after or tend to yourself." I often "look out for myself" with Andrew because he can be my rock and I can land there. That isn't wrong all the time, but when I look to him to always come through for me or I am unaware of his needs to the exclusion of my own, that is not love. Also. I can tend to look out for myself in marriage because I may not not trust that he has my best interest. I need to be willing to trust and to give him by best without a guarantee of what will be returned.

"Love looks to them first." Love is such sacrifice. "Love keeps you so tuned in to what you spouse needs that you often respond without being asked." This is the next step.

"Love inspires you to say "no" to what you want in order to say "yes" to what you spouse needs. Wow!

Jesus "taught us that the evidence of love is found in seeing a need in others, then doing all we can to satisfy it." "Love responds to the heart of the problem"...instead of being defensive and making our point.

"The words "How can I help you?" needs to stay fresh on your lips."

Where did we steer so off course, even as parents.

As Paul writes to one of the churches..."I will most gladly spend and be expended for

your souls." (I Cor. 12:15)

Andrew and I have the opportunity to bless one another like no other one earth can....if we miss one another, we miss the opportunity to bless in that one way that no one else can.

It is a precious gift and a responsibility. "Give your best to your own."

(Photos by Deveraux)

(I know a little crazy :))

The book also spoke about just enjoying your spouse...this can become a lost art in the home

of children and tasks. Something we have to remember and create opportunites for that enjoyment.

I feel that has been one blessing for Drew and I, we enjoy each other and being in each other's company.

Iron sharpens iron.

I have felt lately that although Andrew and I are compatible, we have some major differences. Those differences can tempt me to discouragement about him or us. They can make me question, live in dissatisfaction, and lead to a refusal to love. Andrew and I were talking the other day and he said every couple has there struggle, our struggles only seem bigger or more apparent because they are ours. "But some can't seem to get past their partners differences. And they suffer many wasted opportunities as a result. They don't take advantage of the uniqueness that makes each of them more effective when including the other." I married Andrew becuase he was the most unique man I had ever met. I was taken by his independance, his strength, his assurdesness, and they way he freely lived his life before God and not before man. I wanted a man such as this...but as fickle and human as I am, I only want those facets of his personality when I want them, when they "work" for me and when they are in my favor. But Andrew cannot (to a point) :) be cajoled or become my "man is a box" and that is good for one such as me.

He loves me so.

The book talks about two rooms that we can go into: the Depreciation Room and the Appreciation Room. The place in our hearts and where our thoughts go...we choose where we live." Concerning the depreciation room..."You must decide to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you know good and drains the joy out of your marriage...refusing to fill the unkown with negative assumptions. The only reason to glance at the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should ever go in this room is to write "COVERED IN LOVE" in huge letters across the walls. It is time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home." I love this concept.

"Love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.

"We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

"He doesn't love us because we are lovable but because He is so loving."

We need Christ to love! The only way we can truly love sacrificially and when we don't feel it or feel we are getting what we want and need is through Christ.

The book also challenged us to take in our spouse's opinion and listen. Often, as mama's we believe we have the "corner on the truth" especially when it comes to running the home and all within. But we don't...Andrew has given me much direction and wisdom when I choose to ask and listen!! And it is often that I look to Drew, he has been my compass many times and I believe God handcarfted one such as he for me in this area where I can lose my way and need his steadfastness.

Love..."bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

(1 Corinthians 13:7)

Love is a choice. "You must choose to love by encouragement rather than by expectation." It is often my intention to just love and bless my man and my family. But my mouth opens and out comes all that I require and what needs to be done or areas where I am wanting control. 'Love teaches you to give them room to be themselves. You must realize that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed and savored along the way. It is a unique friendship designed by God Himself where two people love together in flawed imperfection but deal with it my encouraging one another not discouraging them."

How can I daily encourage Andrew?

"Love that chooses to love is just as powerful as love that feels like loving." and "loving them well should be your life's work."

"As to the Lord. No longer is it the imperfect person who decides how much love you'll show, but rather it's your omni-perfect God who can use even a flawed person like yourself to bestow loving favor on another. Only love that is lifted up as an offering to God-returned to Him in gratitude for all He's done-is able to sustain itself when all other reasons have lost their ability to energize us."

It is a gift to God to love the one He brought.

"We multiply one another's joys and divide one another's sorrows."

I aspire to this! Marriage can be so much when we allow it, work for it,

and ask God to give us what we need!

"As the Father has loved me, so have I love you. Now remain in my love." (John 15:9)