What to do with Desire?

Of course. for me, the days still hold desire for a fifth little Gallagher to come join our family.  Andrew and I such a good talk one evening.  I had expressed, "I just wish I could have what I want."   Don't we all say that and feel that so strongly about certain things that seem so illusive.  Andrew was so present with me.  He encouraged me that there is still "life" within my womb.  Yet, maybe it is not the kind of life I am thinking....yet, could still lead to my desire for a third plus other kinds of life.  We feel it already new life has reentered our marriage.

I told him the statistics continue to be daunting, as well as the voices in head that say "it doesn't look good."  Fear begins to "trump" desire.  I see three and yet I just wonder.  I also wonder why God has not taken the desire away.  Andrew grabbed my hand and said, "Come here."

He told me that I couldn't give up.  What?  Andrew is saying these things?  He couldn't believe he was saying those things.  This is what love looks like and this is what God can do in our hearts.
Does Andrew feel the desire for a third, no, he is content.  Yet, he loves me and seeing my desire he said neutralizes him somewhat,  It makes his lack of desire maybe not as strong. 

Andrew knows what it's like to want something so much and you feel you cannot release it and it has a significant impact on the day.  He knows these feelings from this season of work he has been struggling through.  For this I am grateful that even though desires are different, the strong feelings are similar. 

God is closely paralleling our lives together.  Different outcomes, same desire.

I had been encouraging Andrew to not hold so tightly onto what he wanted through the whole job situation.  I must do the same with the things I desire.

Andrew also was encouraged the other day in church by hearing about foster care.  He said he saw it for the first time as a lead into adoption.  He felt really open to the possibility.  I had just recently prayed for God to keep my heart open to adoption! 

I met this woman at Gilroy Gardens.  She would have been an unlikely connection for me.  Just a  reminder of how I so often misjudge the outer and make quick (very wrong)  judgments. We made a few comments as we stood in line.  She shared she had four children and was so fulfilled  This brief conversation led her to encouraging me not to give up, she was older and had a one year old.  She pointed me to God and just said, "Don't give up."

There are moments through this struggle that seem so redeeming and God is at work even if I don't understand outcomes and then there are those really messy times where Andrew and I are still navigating through the mud of different desires.  We keep seeking, we apologize, we forgive, we move forward, we pray and then try to remember to listen.....
Just plowing through this....