Sunday, November 24, 2013

Park City, Utah. Days 48 & 49

Our first baking in a long time!  I had been feeling a little
unsettled and really wanting to settle into this week as it
feels like such a treat to be in a place like this....more
space for quiet times to be reinstituted, maybe some normal 
to be in place, and an opportunity to just hang out.
Of course our picture is never what we maybe think it
will be....and I often have a picture.  This is probably why our
trip has been good for me because there have been many days that I just followed,
 not knowing what to expect.  I always imagine more hours than there are
in a day.  I want to not be a planner and have no agenda, but then
I find myself making a plan because I want to make sure certain thing happen.
But I don't like the feeling that there is always the next thing to do.
 
I was stopped a bit in reading Philippians, Paul writes,
"that our love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth
of insight."  I still find myself pondering this...but I know it leads
to really good things...."discern what is best, be pure and blameless,
and be filled with the fruit of righteousness."
It is about how am I loving my family.  Not how am I going to get all
my needs met, or who to orchestrate the next things for our family,
or have a set agenda.  Maybe I should just "be" and love.
 
After sharing some of this with Andrew, he encouraged me
to bake that cake (the next morning) that Deveraux had
chosen as her treat.  So when I awoke the next morning, that is the first
 thing we did!
We baked a cake!  A tie dye cake!

Then we were given a performance by Deveraux with
several cameo performance by Bobo, when he wasn't
preoccupied with his greatest new toy...the fire extinguisher!
We watched 10 songs!  A record for us forsure!  I
started to protest until I realized Dev had already written
a program out of her songs.
No we did not let him really use the fire extinguisher, he just
would hold it and study it and point it at the fireplace.
We were pretty much in all day with the exception of pool
time.  We did join in on Zumba down in the lobby.
There are several activities that are offered at the Marriot,
this was the only one we partoke in.
It was really fun, Bobo sat and watched, later he told
me he was embarrassed and Dev joined in a little bit.
The next morning.....running to the pool area, it was cold.
Our exciting pool news....Bobo learned to dive!
We all took turns catching him,.

It was fun to go outside, heated pool in cold weather.
The first night we swam, it was snowing!  We would
lay on our backs in the pool and look up in the dark
sky and catch snowflakes in our mouths.  The kids,
imitating some high school girls, sat in snow covered
pool chairs and then would run to the hot tub.



Pool time was definitely a high light for all of us!




notice the fire extinguisher made it to quiet time...
This is where I would spend my quiet times, in the lobby.



Park City were opening their ski runs the day after we were scheduled to leave.
I referred to this time in an earlier post, but on this evening we
headed to Walmart for hair cuts!  I also got my hair colored (good-bye gray
hairs..I try to accept it, but I just can't.)  After our hair was done, we had a list
of items to pick up.  I was in a hurry and I told Deveraux,
 "I will just read the list."  Deveraux responded, "Mom, remember homeschooling."
So of course I had no choice but to hand her the list to read.
So a new bridge was crossed.  We watched 2 movies as
a family.  Andrew and I love movie's but it has been
difficult to find a movie that especially Deveraux will
enjoy, she is sensitive to much of what she sees.  She has
not had a desire to watch the Disney movies.  So we found
two that they loved, "Sage-American Girl Doll" and
"So we bought a Zoo"...which we all loved and watched
most of it again the next night.  It was fun!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Cherish and letting go

What do I want to say.
What do I want to impress upon them.
What do I want to linger....
 





I have been struck with the reality that for me the significance that my children feel for me now when they are young will change much more than the significance I have for them.  Their significance for me will linger long into College selections, wedding days, and grandbabies.....

I am recently reminded that their whole life is in front of them.  When we walk a college campus, Andrew and I realize how much is before them. 

I look back.










They look forward.

What we share together now as a family feels so significant, so lasting, permanent, that the picture before us feels as if it will remain the same...forever...but it.won't....it can't ....


 
Performing still...
 
They will share so many significant things without me.  For now, we share most together.
 
They both came in tonight after being at the pool, (I left early to put dinner together).  They were explaining with much fervor the 10 minutes they watched of Star Trek.  A really big deal.  I like that that is still a big deal.  Many things in their young life are big deals, almost daily phenomena's  I like living in that world, knowing that is not an adult world.
There is so much they do not know.

I am so much their world.  I am so looked to so often and rejected so little.




I have so much authority in their lives.  How do I love my girl?  I ask.  Protecting her and then letting her in little by little on what she will see as she grows.  How do I guide with authority yet freedom as one day she will not have to listen to me.  She will be on her own and make her own decisions.  In moments this seems inconceivable. I think this is easier for some parents than others....I will need to pray long and hard about letting go.

But now is when I prepare to begin to let go.  For now, in small ways.  But if I don't, I fear it won't be good for either of us.

I had an opportunity to " let go"a little at the salon after I started writing this entry. 
Deveraux received a  trim,  Wanting to affirm that I like her hair long, I said, 'It looks good."
She responded, "It doesn't look any different."  So I asked the hairdresser
if Deveraux could get up in the chair once more and tell her what she
really wanted in a cut.  I allowed Deveraux to choose completely and did not say a word.
  I let go a bit.  She really liked it!  And I liked it too.

It is like you have to have one eye on the present yet keeping in mind where you are headed and that these little ones will change unlike anything else before your eyes.  And you have to allow it while sitting in the front row with years of investment at stake, yet there will be times in the future your voice will be among many and grow a bit smaller.  I think if we knew all what was entailed in this parenting gig, we might cower a bit more.

For now, I will try to be present and fully engage in all that is before me in these days and cherish, oh cherish.  And....allow myself to gracefully see a bit of what is to come.