Cherish and letting go

What do I want to say.
What do I want to impress upon them.
What do I want to linger....

 

I have been struck with the reality that for me the significance that my children feel for me now when they are young will change much more than the significance I have for them.  Their significance for me will linger long into College selections, wedding days, and grandbabies.....

I am recently reminded that their whole life is in front of them.  When we walk a college campus, Andrew and I realize how much is before them. 

I look back.

They look forward.

What we share together now as a family feels so significant, so lasting, permanent, that the picture before us feels as if it will remain the same...forever...but it.won't....it can't ....

 

Performing still...

 

They will share so many significant things without me.  For now, we share most together.

 

They both came in tonight after being at the pool, (I left early to put dinner together).  They were explaining with much fervor the 10 minutes they watched of Star Trek.  A really big deal.  I like that that is still a big deal.  Many things in their young life are big deals, almost daily phenomena's  I like living in that world, knowing that is not an adult world.
There is so much they do not know.

I am so much their world.  I am so looked to so often and rejected so little.

I have so much authority in their lives.  How do I love my girl?  I ask.  Protecting her and then letting her in little by little on what she will see as she grows.  How do I guide with authority yet freedom as one day she will not have to listen to me.  She will be on her own and make her own decisions.  In moments this seems inconceivable. I think this is easier for some parents than others....I will need to pray long and hard about letting go.

But now is when I prepare to begin to let go.  For now, in small ways.  But if I don't, I fear it won't be good for either of us.

I had an opportunity to " let go"a little at the salon after I started writing this entry. 
Deveraux received a  trim,  Wanting to affirm that I like her hair long, I said, 'It looks good."
She responded, "It doesn't look any different."  So I asked the hairdresser
if Deveraux could get up in the chair once more and tell her what she
really wanted in a cut.  I allowed Deveraux to choose completely and did not say a word.
  I let go a bit.  She really liked it!  And I liked it too.

It is like you have to have one eye on the present yet keeping in mind where you are headed and that these little ones will change unlike anything else before your eyes.  And you have to allow it while sitting in the front row with years of investment at stake, yet there will be times in the future your voice will be among many and grow a bit smaller.  I think if we knew all what was entailed in this parenting gig, we might cower a bit more.

For now, I will try to be present and fully engage in all that is before me in these days and cherish, oh cherish.  And....allow myself to gracefully see a bit of what is to come.