Dennis the Menace park is loved!
Bobo conquered the rock wall!!
Ready for the theatre.....
Walking to Forest theatre, they were excited!
They had been waiting for their chance to watch Peter Pan!
What a fun and delightful show. The kids were enraptured!
They are still playing and singing Peter Pan!
Tide pooling at Asilomar with Joy, Elijah, and Ememline!
Deveraux loves playing with the hermit crabs.
We love goodies at Tradder Joe's
Our beloved library...last checkout time
This is Bobo's area....fire truck books, army, trucks, etc....
He learned how to do self check out
Our last Storyline study
We were blessed by this group of sojourner's. They were
ready to partake in sweet honest Godly fellowship.
We learned more of our stories, challenged one
another to find our place in God's story... saving lives
as we follow our passions.
Oh we love you friends!
To be continued.....
(we will see them in Maui)
Ahhhh, the last trip to the fire station.
Bobo brought his water tank to show the fire fighters.
and his book for them to sign
This is where the dream came alive
A stop to Fire daddy at his station.
Well this is a bitter sweet picture. When Andrew and I came
home after literally bawling our eyes out at the ocean, as we had my
dad in heaven (after we heard they were stopping the
search for him and were going to stop looking).
When we came home,
All the lights in the house were out, except for this lantern.
It may sound funny, but my first thought was,
my dad left the light on for us.
This time thinking we lost dad was just so painful.
Many of my initial thoughts were just, Bring him home.
Trying to pray....will him home, plead him home.
Then there was living life but in and out of a certain daze.
I just wanted to see him, to have him be accessible as he always had been.
Reality would be full, tears would flow and then it would feel surreal.
I felt so much guilt. Why had I not responded to his emails, my
communication to him had been lacking and now how could
I get that back....even in the midst of grieving that was just so
hard to let go of and I knew I would need to.
During these days it was hard to pray specifically, I just would want him back and
that is mostly what I could say and feel and so it felt good when others
would pray.
Friday morning came and I decided to go to Bible study. I felt "pulled"
as I was wanting to do those "last things" in Carmel but so uncertain about dad
and being in and out of being able to focus.
In many moments, everything else seemed insignificant and paled in
comparison to finding/losing dad. Grief really narrows your focus.
Friday afternoon. Tried to complete packing tasks, it was difficult. Talked
with Tara, she believed he was alive. She had us read Psalm 92 aloud as a
family. I would jump every time the phone would ring and my heart would
pound. Talked with Heather, we delivered bread. Then went into Safeway to
pick up food for our Sunday night time with friends. I am starting to cry again.
I go outside with my cart and receive that call from Heather that they have
called off the search. The worst we had feared was happening. My chest felt
so heavy, in moments I felt I was gasping for air. Where do I go with this cart.
It was such a symbol...where do I go with this cart, I am in the middle of a
parking lot, the clamor of the card matched my clamoring anguish, I could not
sob enough. Where do I go to not be exposed in a parking lot? Andrew
came to pick me up. How do I do this in front of the kids. Deveraux hugged me
and just held on, it was the first time I received comfort from her. As we
drove home I was wondering how do I possibly grieve this. We got
them ready to go to Peter Pan (God's provision, thank you Julie and Joy)
and all I wanted to do was go to the ocean. Julie said, "I just don't believe it."
I felt I needed to ocean to really let go. Andrew joined me and kept saying,
"There has to be something we can do"-his head going back and forth, the
wheels turning...finally he stopped and just sobbed and sobbed. We just held
each other and sobbed, there was no relief. I told Drew that dad treated him like
a son. Andrew told me they had previously joked about hiking the crater. We
lamented our upcoming time with him in Maui and all that he would pass onto
our kiddos.
I did not want the sun to go down.
I told Andrew dad and I had back porch talks growing up,
I wanted one more back porch talk.
Just one more. Dad got "parts" of me, he loved me in his dad way that
could not be duplicated.
The Hope of glory...in a new way, I feel I "got" it.
This life is not it, not the final chapter. For any of us.
I remember looking at the beach and saying, "one more time."
It felt so tangible, doable, and so not....I told God it did not change anything
between us.
then we went home and found the lantern on.
We were ready to walk downtown, I did not want to be home.
Then maybe 20 minutes later, Kimberly called.
"he is alive."
We could not believe it.
It was the same bodily groan but miles apart in feeling but to the same depth.
I got one more time.
Like Mary and Martha, God hears our groans. So Drew and I headed
downtown our heads in dizzy happy relief wanting to tell the world!
(I had wanted a last downtown date with drew, didn't picture this...)
God is out for my best...why do I have such a hard time believe that.
We met out kiddos in the street to share the good news.
Then our friends Young and Eugene came to share in the good news.
We had a party (kiddos, Joy, Julie) in the dark driveway, sharing the magnificent
news.....What was lost has been found!
Hallelujah!
I must give Jesus the praise as much as I gave Him the anguish!
This was Friday night. Sunday came and we loaded the truck,,,,,whew!
I saw this in Deveraux's book....The question was, "What
was the luckiest thing that ever happened to you?"
She responded, "my parents introduced me to God."
Deveraux has this bedrock faith I never tire of witnessing.
An exert from my journal.....(September 13)
The days are so full.
Every space in our house needs tending.
Every good-bye and "last" thing needs tending.
Everywhere we go, it may be our last.
Every space in my head is full.
-projects to paint
-packing
-chaotic garage
-good-bye notes
-banana bread to bake for neighbors, librarians, and firefighters
-last outings
-last gatherings
-Bible study to prepare for
......Trying to be present
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander.
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.
My faith will be made stronger."
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