spilled coffee

Why does spilled coffee cause me to cry?

Why not the big stuff? 

When you are a mom there is such a constant outpour.  Much of it is done willingly and with energy for the tasks at hand.

Spilled coffee.  Waiting the day knowing when I was out in the afternoon so I could grab a coffee out and that would be a treat.  Baby falls asleep.  Oh good, a chance for a quiet time.  It's after 4:00, I will get that re-charge that is so welcomed and needed.  I know I may only have 20 minutes...And I can grab that coffee I have been savoring and have that during my time. 

I come out from getting baby settled, my oldest lets me know she accidently spilled my coffee.  What?!?  How could you have spilled the coffee that was sitting on the table?  She said she cleaned it up, believing that makes it better.  But I can't get back that coffee for today.  Tears start to form, I just need to get into my quiet time.  Why does it feel so big?

Maybe because those things for me right now are in limited quantity.  Maybe because this week in particular I have been feeling behind and that I just can't get productive like I want to.  Maybe because you can't (shouldn't) have your kids fully understand the task you have raising them and how hard it can be at times to not have much for yourself.

Provision.  That word again.  Will God supply all my needs?  What do I teach my kids in those moments when the coffee feels so important, so life giving.  Yes, okay to be disappointment. Yet..."My God shall supply all my needs..(even when the "most wanted coffee in the world" spills) Do I believe it?  Do I live like I believe it? 

I know I feel sad about some other things going on in my life.  I know there is a weight with Andrew's job right now.  Big people stuff going on.  Maybe the spilled coffee feels easier to cry over---easier to tap into that emotion, simpler. 

The coffee is as big as I am looking for it to fulfill my needs. 

(rain dances)

 

So ultimately it's okay.  There will be another coffee during another quiet time.  I will breathe deep now and go to the well that never runs dry.  That never spills to empty. 

Thanks Dev for spilling my coffee so God could teach me something.